Sorry, I Didn't Mean to Shout (An Acoustic Retrospective)

by Derek Brink

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

    To get the album for FREE, click "Buy Now" and enter your price as $0.00. I don't even collect your e-mail address. You will receive no spam from me. Please feel free to rob me blind! (Or if you want to pay a little, I'll take it!) :)

      name your price

     

1.
2.
04:20
3.
4.
03:17
5.
04:36
6.
02:38
7.
03:52
8.
03:58
9.
03:05
10.
03:20
11.
03:42
12.
13.
03:36
14.
15.
02:04
16.
02:48
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.

about

This isn't a "greatest hits." I don't have hits. And what I do have is only debatably "great." It's also not a "best of" exactly. It's more just a collection of stuff I enjoy playing, alongside some stuff I haven't played in a long time, and supporting four songs I've never released as a solo artist before. When you've got 8 albums, sometimes people don't know where to start...so this is an introductory piece for new folks, and a different look at some old familiar songs for the long-timers.

I didn't want to just slap already existing tracks into a playlist. I wanted something that felt like a stand-alone album. So with that in mind, every song here was recorded in November/December 2016. These are all new, all acoustic versions. Just guitar and vocal--like you came to see me in a coffee house. I've always felt that's the truest way to see a songwriter--it's sure the truest way to see me. I used as many "first-takes" as possible, so it'd be as real as I could get it. Just like I said over ten years ago in the liner notes for the "Grounds" record--I left the mistakes in. This is me, unfiltered, unpolished, and mastered a little quieter than usual since it's an acoustic album. :)

I thought about just doing the four unreleased ones as an EP. Then I thought about doing something similar to Wayne County--an EP with a few standalone new pieces and a couple old ones. Then I decided that it's been ten years--I've been releasing records since before some of you had kids--and maybe it'd be fun to look back. So I did this. Every solo record is represented at least once. All the way back to "Grounds." I tried to focus on songs people have told me they liked. I ended up playing some I liked too. It was a fun walk down memory lane, and a nice nod to whatever's coming next, too.

I hope you enjoy this, and I hope everybody knows how grateful I am to have been allowed to do this for over ten years!

I'm not doing an "official" CD release...this was intended to be download ONLY... But if anyone wants a CD copy, I'll burn one for you with a hand-made, hand-written cover--no two will be alike. Just click the "Contact Derek Brink" link on this page. Maybe I'll even throw in something extra, since you took the time! :)

* Denotes previously unreleased.

credits

released December 25, 2016

Guitar/Vocals - Me.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Derek Brink St Louis, Missouri

Derek Brink is a musician from St. Louis, MO. He offers all of his music for the low cost of absolutely FREE. No one owns the space over your head, and Derek doesn't think you should pay him to fill it. For those who are generous, you may pay any amount you wish with Derek's thanks--but you are not obligated to do so. Thanks, and come back for more, any time! ... more

contact / help

Contact Derek Brink

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Track Name: Outdoor Summer Concerts
Outdoor Summer concerts
hit me right where my heart hurts.
There's a girl in Summer clothes,
I wanna go where ever she goes.
I'll drive fast for hours
for the chance to bring her flowers.
Party hard with townies
and the local rock band groupies.
I think they see right through me.

I'm drunk from what I'm thinking.
But it's pretty cute how she only smokes when she's been drinking.

Walking around lonely
listening to phonies.
They did pretty good on that Queen song
until the singer got the words wrong.
It's hard to watch a cover band
act like they own the bandstand.
What am I even doing here
when she's already made herself perfectly clear?
I should probably disappear.

I don't know what I've been thinking.
This wouldn't have been fun even back when I was still drinking.
And yeah, it's alright to watch her dance around at a club show
but I'd be just as happy listening to Abbey Road on her stereo
or maybe Radiohead's "In Rainbows."

I can't help but thinking
about all of the reasons I had to quit drinking.
Stuff like this remains at the very top of the list.
I should probably be getting on the road back home to St. Louis.
'Cause I don't think I can do this.
Track Name: Slip Away
Used to see no point in having dreams.
No tomorrow and no future.
No refunds, no regrets.
That was me.
But now that I am living it,
I'm shocked to still be living it.
I'm shocked to find I'm dreaming
of a time that's yet to be.

I don't know how it happened,
but now I'm on the other side
of the worst years of my life
and the future is in sight.
If I could give you some advice,
you've GOT to keep on (fucking) fighting.
'Cause to let go of your dreams
is to grab hold of dying.
And letting go of dying
is to stop being afraid--
just stop being afraid
of things you cannot change.
Don't let it slip away...don't let it slip away.
Don't let it slip away.

Used to be I'd fall asleep
afraid of waking up
to face another day
to fall asleep again.
But after all that rain...
After all that darkness...
I've never been so grateful
to feel sun on my skin.

I don't know how it happened...etc.
Track Name: The Last Folk Singers *
I thought I saw Upton Sinclair today,
sitting in a park.
And I thought that I heard old Upton say
that the times are getting dark.
He said something about the right and something about the left
and how these days it's hard being Socialist.
Thought he died in '68, I'd have never guessed
that we'd still need old Upton right now.

I thought that I saw Kurt Vonnegut
singing in a church.
He was singing about life being beautiful
and how none of it ever hurt.
He said this about that
and that about this...
And the whole thing came with an asterisk.
You'd have to be a robot to be a Humanist.
So it goes and so it is.

Here's a prayer to Saint George Carlin...
How in the fuck are we supposed to go on living?
And where is Brennan Manning
when we really, really need him?
When did we turn from saints into sinners?
Hear the songs of the last folk singers.

I thought that I saw Jesus
sitting in the court.
He looked pretty sad to be filing
for the Great Divorce.
He said, "I told you to love, I told you to give.
You told me to go to Hell.
So I packed up my things and to Hell I went,
I fought it hard and I fought it well."

He said, "Folks you could still have a victory.
All you must do is try..."
And somebody said, "Nah! That sounds like too much work!"
and spit right in His eye.
Nobody was surprised.

I thought that I saw myself in a crowd,
but I must've been somebody else.
He looked pretty shallow and empty,
or maybe just full of himself.
He said something about money and how far he had come
and I shudder to think of myself that way;
as somebody who has become so numb
with so little left to say.

When did we turn from saints into sinners?
Hear the songs of the last folk singers.
Track Name: I Go... *
I am leaving for Logan County
might not be back for a while.
Open road and open air.
Wind on my face; I disappear.

I need a truer life, a truer sound.
I need a truer way to be.
I've just got to get out of this city for a while,
find a simpler, truer me.
And so I go...

I am seeking a sweeter pasture.
Find a life I can call my own.
Just a few dollars in case I need 'em...
And a picture of my best friend.

I need a truer life, a truer sound.
I need a truer way to be.
I've just got to get out of this city for a while,
find a simpler, truer me.
And so I go...

All I'm saying is I need to relax.
I need a chance to breathe.
Nothing against my friends and those who love me.
I just need some rest.

I need a truer life, a truer sound.
I need a truer way to be.
I've just got to get out of this city for a while,
find a simpler, truer me.
And so I go...
Track Name: Fall Apart
I believe that things are passing away.
I don't really recognize anything in my life.
My family and friends don't look the same.
My own reflection don't look quite right.
I believe that things are dying out,
but that's okay with me; I'll be fine.
'Cause there are some things that will always last.
Faith, hope, and love will always survive.

So let the world pass right by me.
Let this earth stand still in time
and let time itself melt away.
Let it all fall down, let me leave it all behind.
And let faith always bind me,
and let hope always surround my heart.
Let love fall over me from the heavens.
Let everything else fall apart.

I believe that things are passing away.
But that's alright, I'll still play by the rules.
I'll still sing praises and I'll still pray
and I'll try to give thanks for what I'll never lose.
I'll thank you, God for the walk of faith.
I'll praise you for the gift of hope.
I'm so amazed by your awesome love.
Don't ever let me let you go.

So let the world pass right by me.
Let this earth stand still in time
and let time itself melt away.
Let it all fall down, let me leave it all behind.
And let faith always bind me,
and let hope always surround my heart.
Let love fall over me from the heavens.
Let everything else fall apart.
Track Name: Remember Me
My grandmother used to speak to me
back when she still had her thoughts.
And sometimes she'd sing to me
from the 1930s charts.
And Grandpa used to play for me
songs on his old guitar.
And now I've grown into a voice of my own
and this worthless bleeding heart.

Do you still remember me?

I've got a family filled with music.
A family filled with poems.
A family that would do anything
to protect one of our own.
And if they've taught me anything,
it's that some dreams are still worth dreaming...
...to sing for the joy of singing...
...to scream for the joy of screaming...

Do you still remember me?

And are you still proud of me?
Have you been there with me through everything?

Do you still remember me?
Track Name: Not Okay
I’m not okay, but I’ll get okay.
I’m not okay, but I’ll get there.
I’m not okay, but I’ll get okay.

I’ve been learning to survive
and it’s taking a long time.
I’m just trying to make it out alive.
I want to be alone,
I want to hold you close.
I want to laugh till I cry.
I don’t know how to win,
but I know how to fight.

I’m not okay...etc…

Try to whistle a happy tune.
Open up the same old wounds.
Another verse to just GET through…
I want to sleep all day.
I want to go out and play.
Whatever’s least opportune.
I’ve got a problem with change
and I hope that changes soon.

I’m not okay...etc…

I want to be happy.
Who wouldn’t want to be happy.
So I’ve been working on happy.
I’m not okay...etc...
Track Name: Being There
I've fallen so far.
It's so hard to be yourself when you don't know who you are.
I'm afraid I've lost my way.
I've got friends and they've got wings.
I'm a simple man who's lost some simple things.
I'll find myself somewhere someday.

Am I a poet? Am I a fool?
It depends on who you ask.
Life goes on and passes by
and so little of what we touch will last.
Sometimes being there is all that counts.

Am I the sum of my parts?
If I walked in water, would I get very far?
What have they made of me?
I'm not sure I have a real self.
Sometimes I feel like I'm an empty shell;
just watching the world pass by on a TV screen.

Am I a poet...etc...
Track Name: Transience
I'm more or less a total mess
of contradictions and I guess
that's how it's going to stay.
I'm pretty much a package deal
of morphic fields and combo meals,
and nothing much to say.
Nothing much to say.

But I'll say it anyway.
I'll scream until I pray
then I'll cast it all away.
I'll cast it all away.
Live to run another day.
Hoping everything will be okay.
It's all gonna be okay.

I'll be dancing on my grave
before anyone can think to say a eulogy.
No need to carry on that way.
I'm sure Jesus can still save whatever's left of me.
I'm afraid I might not be staying long.

I'm lost and I can't find a map.
My instincts are all total crap.
My gut's got shit for brains.
I've faith enough to doubt myself.
Hope enough to ask for help.
Love to kill the pain.
These three things remain.

I don't deserve much anyway.
I'll stay until I stray
then I'll throw it all away.
I'm afraid that's just my way.
Live to die another day.
Hoping it will all still be okay.

I'll be spitting on my grave
before anyone can think to sing a melody.
I'm sick and tired of feeling this way.
Jesus, isn't there something else still left for me?
I think I'd like to stay a little while.
Track Name: Holding On
I'm tired of the leaving.
I'm tired of saying goodbye.
I'm tired of always laughing
for fear of always crying.
Thirty years gone
and it's almost not worth trying.
If this is going anywhere,
I could use some kind of sign.
What makes it worth it
When it's like this all the time?

The world is getting smaller
and it's everywhere you look.
America, Iraq, Iran,
irate from reading holy books.
Promised more, but getting less.
Promises go 'round and 'round.
It's a wonder my generation
didn't burn the whole thing down.
Life ain't turning out
the way I expected it to.
That may be a cliche,
but that don't mean it's not true.

But some things are worth the holding on.

I'm tired of the anger
and I'm tired of the guilt.
I'm tired of repenting
and of knowing that I never really will.
I'm tired of missing all the friends
I had once who are gone.
Seems my friends keep running out.
Or they're dying while they're young.

I'm tired of going to hospitals.
I'm tired of going to graves.
Everybody's getting cancer.
Everybody else is getting AIDS.
Ain't no use in crying,
sometimes things just go that way...

Some things are worth the holding on.
Track Name: Hands
She was 17 when I knew her.
We were so obscene and we knew we were.
Now we've grown up, it's like she never heard,
a whisper from my voice,
"Are these feelings yours?"

I said, "I've been losing sleep since the day that I met you."
She kinda smiled and I knew I was doing good.

And I've built these walls, temples, and churches to protect you.
Maybe you could come by and visit.
I work so hard at what I do.
And I haven't got the hands to do it anymore.

There's a river that runs through my hometown.
There's an ocean out west, maybe I'll drown.
There's a theme developing, she's not around.
I listen for the phone to ring and don't hear a sound.

I said, "I've been losing touch since the day you left me hanging."
She erased my message and I knew she'd be happy.

And I've built these walls, temples, and churches to protect you.
Maybe you could come by and visit.
I work so hard at what I do.
And I haven't got the hands to do it anymore.

I would swim the deepest seas,
kill the serpent at your door.
I'd walk burning embers.
My feet aren't sore anymore.

And I've built these walls, temples, and churches to protect you.
Maybe you could come by and visit.
I work so hard at what I do.
And I haven't got the hands to do it anymore.
Track Name: Live Your Life *
I'm getting old and irrelevant
and I'm starting to watch my friends die.
Let's give 'em hope. Give 'em sentiment.
Make 'em laugh so they don't want to cry.
Right now I'm alive and so are you.
Better take a few names while we still can.
You go around once 'till you're through.
And you ain't gonna get another chance.

Can't spend your whole life
with your head in the clouds looking for a sign.
It might be better just to live life and be kind.
'Cause whatever doesn't kill you
might just be taking its time.
Don't take it for-granted.
You've gotta live your own life.

I'm getting bored. Always discontent.
And I'm longing for the time when I was not.
I'm breathing in and breathing out...
So there's still time to give it whatever I've still got.
Right now it's alright. It's okay.
Even if it's not, it's the best we're gonna get.
I've seen it all and I've seen a lot...
But I think that I ain't seen nothing yet.

Can't spend your whole life
with your head in the clouds looking for a sign.
It might be better just to live life and be kind.
'Cause whatever doesn't kill you
might just be taking its time.
Don't take it for-granted.
You've gotta live your own life.
Track Name: Stranger
I am a stranger.
This land sets me reeling and I feel I'm lost.
I am just passing.
I'm just looking for some shelter and maybe a touch of trust.
And I know that soon I'm going home.

I am a stranger.
I've been walking miles but no one's given me the time of day.
I am a believer.
I know there's good in every person even when they look the other way.
And I'll be alright.
'Cause I know that soon I'm going home.

I am a stranger.
But I feel like I've known this place all along.
Last thing I remember
is lying in the gutter, but now I know I will be safe and strong.
And I know that soon I'm going home.
And I know that now I'm coming home.

I'm coming home.
Track Name: The Ring I Almost Gave Her
There's a wedding ring in my bookcase.
It belonged once to my mom.
It came to me after she died.
I've been doing my best to keep it warm.
Some day I may still need it,
but it's getting hard to imagine what for.
Nobody else seems to want it
and I don't look at it much anymore.

It's been a lot to carry.
She passed away when I was 14.
I don't know if I'm ever going to marry.
I'm the type that's leave-able, it seems.
I keep it there in the bookcase
by some books I'll never read.
It's just nice to know that it's sitting there,
should I ever have the need.

I ran into the woman
whose finger I would've put it on.
She said it was nice to see me
and introduced me to her son.
I looked him in the eye a while,
gave him a smile, and it was time to move along.
I'm happy enough for her, I guess,
but my smile sure felt painted on.

It would've been a mistake if we had stayed
anything more than friends.
So that kid ain't mine, and that's alright.
I'll probably never see him again.
But I do regret the things I said and did
that made her run to other men
and left the ring I almost gave her right where it's always been.

Maybe someday I'll find someone
to take that ring away from me.
Or maybe I'll buy her a new one
that someday my own kid can keep.
But until that day, I guess I'll pray
for some grace to fall back on.
And I'll keep looking at the bookcase wondering
what's taking me so long.
Track Name: The Girl
There's a girl in the story,
because of course there is...
She's enough to make me drink.
And she doesn't even know it,
if she does, she doesn't care.
You know, it really makes me think.

Could've been married by now,
had a kid by now...
Do I really want that, though?
I think I only want the girl
because she is a girl
and she laughs at my stupid jokes.

And it just kills me
any time I see
her walk around with someone else.
Never a better guy.
Just another guy.
And I've realized
I'm never going to be that guy myself.

If there's a moral to the story
it's that there is no story
if you keep it to yourself.
And I may live to regret it,
but at least I fucking said it
and I hope she'll wish me well.

Could've been married by now,
had a kid by now...
But I went about it wrong.
I think I only want the girl
because she is the girl
that I've wanted all along.
Track Name: In My Heart
You screwed up m head
to the point I wished I was dead...
Then you offered to help me out with that.
You treated me wrong
when you strung me along.
Then you put the blame on me when it all went bad.

I can still remember the hallway
where I told you how I felt.
When I've walked down it since,
it's felt like walking through Hell.
Just to see you in a picture
brings it all back in a flash.
I guess you don't forget a true love
when they don't love you back.

I'm not saying I'll never get over you.
I'm just saying you left a mark.
It's been just long enough
that you're not even in my dreams anymore.
So why should you be in my heart?

Oh la da da da...etc...this part looks stupid if you type it out.

I know we've talked since then,
we'd probably even say that we've been friends.
But I haven't listened to a single word.
I only think of you
when feeling bad is all I want to do.
So if you think I can be happy for you,
that's just absurd.

I'm not saying I'll never get over you.
I'm just saying you left a mark.
It's been just long enough
that you're not even in my dreams anymore.
So why should you be in my heart?
Track Name: Sometimes You Say Goodbye
I collect short stories
of lost loves and past glories.
Some of them are too long
to pass the time.
Some of them cost more than they're worth.
Some of them just hurt.
Sometimes a chapter
sticks in my mind.

But sometimes you say goodbye
for all the right reasons.
Sometimes you say goodbye,
and you don’t even feel it.

I had a friend I never figured out.
He’s a devil down in Georgia now.
A string of unknown kids
and pissed off ex-wives.
I haven’t heard his voice in 15 years.
And that’s music to my ears.
I’d just as soon he
never be on my mind.

Cause sometimes you say goodbye
for all the right reasons.
Sometimes you say goodbye
and you don’t even feel it.

I’ve got a long list of regrets,
quite a few of which I haven’t lived yet.
The worst ones, I play out
almost every night.
I’d have probably run from me too,
if I’d been in your shoes.
I can’t blame you
for giving up the fight.

Cause sometimes you say goodbye
for all the right reasons.
Sometimes you say goodbye
and you don’t even feel it.
Track Name: New Year's Eve
New Year's Eve, once again.
I'm wondering why I'm here instead
of being somewhere else.
I'm all by myself.
Somewhere else, someone's getting kissed.
I wish my life were more than this,
but I've been in bed since 9:15,
hoping for a nicer dream.

Tell me once more, what's the fun in this?
There must be something I've missed.
Reassure me that somewhere
there's a party I won't want to leave.
'Cause right now all I have is another New Year's Eve.

What's to celebrate, again?
Didn't even get a call from my friends,
but I don't want to talk anyway.
None of them have much to say.
New Year's Eve, once again.
I'm hoping for the world to end,
like they promised in '99.
That would suit me fine.

Tell me once more, what's the fun in this?
There must be something I've missed.
Reassure me that somewhere
there's a party I won't want to leave.
'Cause right now all I have is another New Year's Eve.

Another year gone by and I've dug my own ditch.
Who needs a mile-marker when I haven't moved an inch?
This is where I am.
This isn't what I had planned.

Tell me once more, what's the fun in this?
There must be something I've missed.
Reassure me that somewhere
there's a party I won't want to leave.
'Cause right now all I have is another New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year to you!
Track Name: Born in This Town
I like the way you laugh at my stupid jokes
and the stupid things I say.
I like your smile, how you do your hair,
and I like that you don't need to wear makeup every day.
I'd like to hold your hand, love to feel your kiss,
maybe just one more warm embrace.
I sometimes think we could share our lives
if it wasn't for the fact we're going separate ways.

I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town,
and you're in love with Mexico.
I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town.
I've got nowhere else to go.
I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town,
and that used to suit me fine.
But thanks to you,
I'm thinking there might be a better life.

I like the way you hold your head when you talk to me.
I like the way you train your eyes on mine when I speak to you.
I like the way you take your shoes off to make yourself at home.
I just wish you didn't feel like you have to leave me here alone.

I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town,
and you're in love with Mexico.
I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town.
I've got nowhere else to go.
I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town,
and that used to suit me fine.
But thanks to you,
I'm thinking there might be a better life.

I need you more, I think,
than a drunkard needs a drink,
or a bandit needs his lawless ways.
But I know you need something else
and it's something that I couldn't be in a billion days.
But I'll miss the good I've seen in your eyes.

I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town,
and you're in love with Mexico.
I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town.
I've got nowhere else to go.
I was born in this town, I'll probably die in this town,
and that used to suit me fine.
But thanks to you,
I'm thinking there might be a better life.
Track Name: El Santo Frente a la Muerte! *
Out there I am so strong.
A symbol of right against wrong.
I'll fight the Bluest Demons.
But before anyone catches on
that it's just me,
I'll be gone.

The purest silver cloth...
No matter what the cost,
I've never taken it off.
That would be too big a loss.
Because then they'd see
that it's just me.

Beat that Perro like a dog,
and they'll cheer me.
They've seen the movies, they know the deal.
Evil fears me.
But I live my life with a mask on.

I've been slowing down,
but I've never let down a crowd.
So for crying out loud.
I'm going to go out proud.
I know it's just me
that stands before you now.

A late-night TV show...
As good a way to go.
I've conquered every foe.
Now everyone can know
and everyone can see
that it was just me.

Just one last goodbye--I'll see you next week.
But I'll face you this one time--just a quick peek.

I don't want to die with a mask on.
Track Name: Just Another Day
I've been awake for a long time.
I've been awake for years.
I've got a million dirty secrets
that I can't ever tell.
I've got a job and I'm happy.
So why am I so sad?
And why does every morning feel
like I spent the last night in Hell?

It's getting to where the alcohol won't even make a dent.
And looking back on it now, I'm not sure it ever did.
I can't make it work.
Can't slow it down.
I'm killing myself to live.

I've been drunk all Summer.
I've been drunk all day.
The only thing that makes it better
is knowing it can't get any worse.
Got some guitars and my TV
to help pass the time away.
But there's no time to count my blessings
when I'm living under this curse.

Sleep is a release, but sleep won't ever come.
It's daybreak again and I've gotta be on the run to beat the traffic.
It's all a reply of the day before.

So I take another drink when I need it.
I'd take a hit or two, but I don't really want it.
Even the nicotine doesn't quite seem to cut it.
Just gotta suck it up and get on with it.
It's just another day.

It's just another day.

And it's getting to where the alcohol
won't even make a dent.
And looking back on it now,
I'm not sure it ever did.
I can't make it work.
Can't slow it down.
I'm killing myself to live.