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Third Act Problems

by Derek Brink

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1.
(Are you feeling better yet?) In summary of the last several times we did this, I’d been a little upset and nervous,  but I think things are looking up. A lot of stuff happened and it’s pretty hard to summarize. Had a lot to accept and a lot I had to realize. Long story short, I’ve remembered what I liked about love. Walking around with joy in your heart is something I’d forgotten. Turns out sometimes the things you’d thought you’d lost just need to be sought again. In remembrance of the last several years,  I’ve held on to several brand new fears, and I’d be remiss if I said everything was perfect. It got really bad, it got really fucking hard. Had a weight on my back that I carried pretty far. But coming out on the other side, I guess I think it was worth it. ‘Cause walking around with love in your heart can make the past seem so small. Turns out having something to smile about makes you feel like you’ve got it all. (‘Cause you’ve GOT it all.) ------------ I don’t want to talk about the bad things. I’ve done that enough; I want something new. I just want to sing with you forever. Forever’s not long enough to be with you. I don’t want to hang around in darkness. I’ve done that enough, it just won’t do. I just want to hold your hand forever. Forever’s not long enough to be with you. I don’t want to spend my life in quicksand. I’ve been stuck long enough, I’m breaking through. I just want to drown in you forever. Forever’s not long enough to be with you. Forever’s not long enough to be with you. Forever’s not long enough to be with you.
2.
You  and you  alone  are all  I want  and you  alone  are all. Hands raised,  I surrender.  Unfazed,  you bid me enter. You… (etc.) I fall at your feet.  You saw the worst of me  and found the best in me. I’ve been in this place before.  I’m crawling back again.  I know I’ve seen your face before.  I know I’ve been your friend.  Some things never end. You… (etc.)
3.
All My Days 01:47
I’ll give you all my days. I’ll give you all my days. Whatever I may say. / Whatever else I say. (I say a lot.) I’ll give you all my days. Took a while to get here, didn’t it? There’s so much time we missed. I’ll give you every last second I have left. I’ll give you every kiss. I’ll give you all my days. (Etc.) Who could’ve guessed it? Who could’ve planned? But now that’s it happened–at long last– I think I understand–I see the whole plan, so… I’ll give you all my days… (Etc.) Solo I’ll give you all my days. (Etc)
4.
We sit here finding things to laugh about. Friends and family– all the people we can’t live without. Scratching off the numbers and missing you. Telling all the stories and missing you. The world outside is quiet. No one to ruin our day. “Treat everyone as you would want to be…” That’s such a "you" thing to say. Measuring reactions and missing you. Random acts of kindness and missing you. Tell the person behind me that this one’s on me. I know I’m not always wrong or right. I just see things how I see. And all I can see right now is that I’m missing you. I’ve got all these Bits & Pieces, but I’m missing you. I'm missing you.
5.
Afraid 03:32
I just want to see you again. I don’t know how to say that  in a way that won’t sound like  I’m in this thing farther  than you, as I am,  but I just want to see you again. I sometimes think I should just call. I get tired of the texting  and pressing like on the walls  where the words you write  could be for me or for all... Would you pick up the phone if I call? I’m afraid that I’ll fall too fast. I’m afraid of lessons  I’ve learned from my past. I’m afraid of the look  I can imagine on your face. I’m afraid you don’t want to be chased. Would you like to meet up for a drink? It doesn’t matter when or where, I just think  I’ll need to hold onto something  everytime that you blink, if you’d like to meet up for a drink. Or would you like to come over sometime? We could watch British comedies  and talk about the way that we  both seem to laugh  at all the same punchlines, if you’d like to come over sometime. I’m afraid I’ve already fallen deep. But I’m afraid to take the next leap. So I’m afraid I might miss out  on what was meant to be. I’m afraid I might need  you to be braver than me. Would you like to show up in my songs? I can only wait so long  without coming on too strong  and recording these words  that keep coming out wrong,  if you don’t want to be in my songs. But I hope that you will sing with me. What if the song is beautiful?  What if the song is sweet?  What if the song’s the song that we  were both meant to sing? Would you sing along with me?
6.
You're Weird 04:28
You’re pretty damn weird and that’s sorta what I like. You’re pretty damn weird. I think about you all the time. And you’re pretty damn weird, but that’s sorta what I like. You’re pretty damn weird. You’re really just my kind. You come in and you leave. No concept of time. I miss you when you’re gone, but when you’re here, it’s fine. And you’re pretty damn weird, but that’s sorta what I like. You’re pretty damn weird. I think about you all the time. And you’re pretty damn weird, but that’s kinda what I like. You’re pretty damn weird. You’re really just my kind. I don’t know where you’re going, but I know I have to stay. And I know you’re coming home soon, and everything will be okay. But you’re pretty damn weird and that’s sorta what I like. You’re pretty damn weird. I think about you all the time. And you’re pretty damn weird, but that’s sorta what I like. You’re pretty damn weird. So you’re really just my kind. All I want is to be with you… …to fall asleep resting in your arms. All I want is to be with you… …to be at your feet;  you keep me safe from harm. All I want is to be with you. But you’re pretty damn weird and that’s sorta what I like. You’re pretty damn weird. I think about you all the time. And you’re pretty damn weird but that’s sorta what I like. You’re pretty damn weird. That sorta makes you mine. That sorta makes you mine.
7.
Forever Home 04:46
It started out with wanting you. It turned into needing you. Pretty soon I was dreaming of you. And here you are. I’d been looking for you. Started working for you. Now I simply adore you. ‘Cause here you are. Welcome home. Infatuated with you, I waited for you. Even prayed over you. And here you are. I’d pay any cost for you; to fall asleep beneath you. Turns out my heart, it beats for you. And here you are. Welcome home. Before you came,  I was content to live alone. Who rescued who? You rescued me from all I’d known. So when you see me smile at you, I hope you know you are forever home. Just look at you! Baby, just look at you! Sweetheart, just look at you! Here you are. Soft but dangerous. We were strangers, but, now nothing can end this love. ‘Cause here you are. Welcome home.  Before you came,  I was content to live alone. Who rescued who? You rescued me from all I’d known. So when you see me smile at you, I hope you know you are forever home. Welcome home. You are my home.
8.
I really could’ve called more. But maybe so could you. I was looking for a reason. But the reason should have been you. So much for the high road. It doesn’t mean a lot when someone’s gone. So much for the high road. In the end, it’s the journey that lives on. I really should’ve stopped in. But I wasn’t sure you were waiting for me. I really should’ve found out. I wonder if you’re still waiting for me. So much for the high road… (etc.) Being “right” doesn’t matter when everything ends up feeling wrong. Being wrong is what sticks with you even if you were right all along. I wish I could turn back the time. Solo So much for the high road… (etc.)
9.
As you turn to leave here and travel where you may, don’t forget we’ll miss you and we wanted you to stay. Know that where you’re going, you do not go alone. Your sisters there will meet you. The belles have all gone home. As this era/journey/moment ends and a new one begins, we’ll try to make you proud | it will never be the same | we’ll try to do you right. Though you disappear, you’ll always be right here as long as we’re around | we will speak you name | we will shine your light. I’ll miss the games and joking  and car rides into town. I’ll miss the home and family. May faith never let us down. Dust returns to dust again. That’s the way it has to be. I will bear your witness and someone else will bear mine after me.
10.
I said something stupid. It wasn’t supposed to be stupid. That’s how stupid things work. Thought I was being funny  but you weren’t laughing. Sometimes stupid jokes hurt. You only  hurt the  ones you love. I said something thoughtless. I should’ve thought about it. I think about it all the time now. I said something stupid,  ‘cause my mouth was open,  and that’s just the sound that comes out. You only  hurt the  ones you love. It’s not that you heard it. It’s that I said it. You’ll forgive and forget it. I won’t forget. It’s not that you heard it. It’s that I regret it. I know you won’t let it  but it could’ve torn us apart. I said something stupid. It wasn’t supposed to be stupid. And it’s likely to happen again. I won’t mean it and I’ll live to regret it. Heaven knows where or when. You only  hurt the  ones you love.
11.
Getting right to the fact,  there’s a problem with the third act. Too many people are firing a gun. There’s something funny with the makeup. The scenery’s all chewed up. Let’s check-off a few things we haven’t done.  This could be a great show if we let a few subplots go. There’s that whole thing with the funding. The pocket’s full, but the hand is out. This could have been perfect but the fat cats made it worthless. We lost the plot to the business. Does anyone remember what it’s about? Seeing right through the smoke the cast doesn’t get the jokes. They don’t know why the audience is laughing at them. They got used to the same script. They’ve forgotten why they read for it. We should take this production back, my friends. ‘Cause this could be a great show if we let a few darlings go. There’s that whole thing with the funding. The pocket’s full, but the hand is out. This could have been perfect but the fat cats made it worthless. We lost the plot to the business. Does anyone remember what it’s about? Does anyone know what it’s all about? To use a simpler metaphor, America’s a broken door. No one can get in or out alive.
12.
Indelible 06:37
It’s been a while since we’ve done business. It’s been a while. Y’know I’ve kinda missed this. When we last spoke, it felt like a joke; just waiting for you to read the punchline. When last we talked, I said I’d walk if you failed to meet  my demands on time. So how do we fix this now? I’m waiting. I hope you hear me. ‘Cause I’m tired… I’m tired of fighting you. I’m tired… I’m tired of denying you. I’d like to think there’s indelible ink; signed and sealed, if not delivered. I’d like to think there’s fresh water still to drink and you didn’t break me down to leave me on this river for good. So how do we fix this now? I’m asking. I hope you hear me. If you open up the door, I’m running through for sure. It’d cost you almost nothing. It’s always been your move, but if it’s mine to choose, I’d like to get back to simply loving you. So how do we fix this now? I’m listening. I hope you hear me.

about

I loved working on this one. Not that I don’t almost always love working on them. And not that–like the rest of them–there weren’t moments where I was furious and shouting abusive insults at my laptop and/or self for not performing up to expectations. And not that my process was all that different from the usual thing I’ve always done. In many of the ways that are observable, this was a standard Derek Brink experience of making an album.

But I loved it.

I’ve been in a good place lately. That despite some bad things happening. There are bad things talked about on this album. Some sadness, guilt, fear, and so on… That kind of stuff will always creep into my work, the same way it creeps into my life. But in general, I’ve been a happier person lately, and I think it’s coming through in my songwriting. Even the hopeless songs have a little hope in them this time.

I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t like 90% because of adopting the cats. They kinda saved me.

So, the tone of this one is a little bit brighter just from a structural standpoint, but the performances and recordings are cleaner, too. And I’m playing better. I changed a little bit of my approach and tried to make things sound really clear and presentable…and I wanted you to be able to HEAR the bass. And everything else. No mud. No mess. I even tried to sing more from my diaphragm and take my vocal parts a little “easier.” Sometimes I did one and not the other. Sometimes I did both. It ended up working out. And I’m singing in different registers, that suit my voice a little better than the stuff I have to shout to hit. A lot is different this time.'

Getting all of that together was waves coming up the shore… Each time I tried something, I went back to the start and got a little farther than I did on the first wave. I reinvented songs when they weren’t working. And I’m happy with the result.

I also tried to SIMPLIFY. Especially in the lyrics. No need to cram in a million words where a few sentences will do the job–he said while writing his seventh paragraph in this introduction. I like songs where the singer has a chance to breathe and the audience has to do a little work to put the linking pieces in, between the big thoughts. I think it worked okay.

It’s called “Third Act Problems” because…hey…I’m in my 40s. Creatively, that’s getting into the third act. And it’s a theatre thing to go to a play and complain that the show was alright, but “it has third act problems.” It just means the ending needs work. And for me…it’s going pretty good…but that doesn’t mean I’m done working on the ending. There’s still a lot to do.

I drew the cover myself. It’s done mostly in pencil. The theatre on the front is largely meant to evoke the Tivoli in St. Louis–which is now mostly defunct but used to be a really cool movie venue before some church bought it and ruined it. I’m happy with how it turned out. I’m happy with how the whole thing turned out.

This album came at the right time in my life. It's a good summary of what's happened since "Happy Now?" (which I consider the immediate successor to this one, even though "The Derek Brink Acoustic Show" happened in the middle there). It's also maybe a precursor of things to come. Since the time of recording, more stuff has happened. In fact, since the first draft of these notes, some more stuff has happened! Some of it great. Some not so great. All I know is I'm still writing. Maybe you'll get an EP or something later this year. Maybe not. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, I'm very proud of this one. There's a ton of my heart in it. I hope you enjoy hearing it.

Primary Guitars/Basses Used:
Parkwood Acoustic
Fender Telecaster
Fender Stratocaster
Rickenbacker 360
Gretsch 12 String
Les Paul Studio
Rickenbacker 4003
Fender Geddy Lee Jazz

-db 11/4/22; 11/14/22; 2/22/23–my departed mother’s 76th birthday

credits

released March 3, 2023

Thank You List:

Dad, Dave, Susan, Valerie, Tessa, Patterson, and Melody.

Bruce Lynn. Brandon and Kaylene Lynn (and their multitudes). Nancy Lynn. The Heacocks. Kim Carpenter. Jim Ousley. Michael Branson. Ethelyn Bruce. Josh Woodard. Colby Knight. Michael Feldman. Marc Schneider. Amanda Bergdorf. Kristen Little. Sara Johnston. Janet Anderson. Becky Outlaw. The Greshamports. Erik Marks. Steven Ford Witaker. Will Shriver. Dan Wilson. “Jules” whose last name I don’t know, and whose first name MIGHT be either Julia or Jen...but either way, she is regularly very nice to me on Twitter.

Everybody I work with. Tenth Life Cat Rescue. Euclid Records. Vintage Vinyl. Planet Score. Other cool record stores.

And of course to my sweet boys, Jonco and McGuire. You guys probably can’t read this because you’re cats, but I hope you know how much you changed my life for the best.

And thanks to anyone who presses “like” on pictures of my cats. And to you for giving these songs a chance, if your name isn’t already listed. Feel free to write it on this page. Or anywhere. Write it in a Taylor Swift cover, if you prefer. I don’t mind.

The cover of this album did not begin as a tribute to Wes Freed, but it definitely ended up there. Rest in peace, Wes.

The cover was hand-drawn using a combination of colored pencil, charcoal, and ink.

If you hear it, I either played, programmed, or sang it. Though there may be some accidental explosions in the background vocals for which I’m not responsible. My neighbors like fireworks. There also may be some meows here and there that I haven’t noticed.

The bass part in “Indelible” is a variation of a part I first played in the 1990s in a song called “The Letter” in my band union jack (yes, it’s supposed to be lowercase). Marc Schneider wrote that song and gave his approval for me to use the bass part in the new one. The songs are otherwise unrelated.

INFLUENCES (incomplete):

Music:
The Tragically Hip/Gord Downie, Rufus Wainwright, Paul Westerberg, The Beatles, The Who, Bowie, Aimee Mann, Jason Isbell. Mark Lanegan, Flogging Molly, U2, Queen, Leonard Cohen, DBT, Frank Black & the Catholics, Cheap Trick, Squeeze, Elvis Costello, Lou Reed/VU, James McMurtry, Led Zeppelin...and a dozen more.

Authors:
Neil Gaiman (times a million), Celeste Ng, Liz Moore, Tatiana DeRosnay, Daphne DuMaurier, Tana French, George Saunders, Nick Hornby, and of course Kurt Vonnegut.

TV/Movies/YouTube/Podcasts:
Yesterday, Ghostbusters Afterlife, The Good Place, Community, Star Trek (All of it; even the bad stuff.), The Sandman, Get Back, McCartney 321, WWE & AEW Wrestling, Boy Meets World, Game Grumps, Jacksepticeye, Miss Dixie’s Kitten Rescue, Veronica and the Baby Boo, Andertons, Jim Cornette (for my sins), The Office Ladies, Leighton Night with Brian Wecht, Quick Question with Soren and Daniel, Pod Meets World, Penn’s Sunday School, etc...

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Derek Brink St Louis, Missouri

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