I Still Believe

from by Derek Brink

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about

People are going to think this is a religious song. I can see why. I even mention God in it. But it isn't a religious song to me. To me it's a song about keeping hope in the goodness of everything around you, despite the evidence. And that CAN include religion, but I didn't mean that specifically here. In fact, this song was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend who is a staunch atheist. He told me about what he "still believes" about good and evil. I took stock of myself as well, and this is the song that came out.

I also was writing about depression. I've dealt with depression for most of my life. "It comes on like a fire" is the best way I can think of to describe my "down" cycles. Sometimes they come as an explosion, but a lot of times they come as a gentle smolder that goes unnoticed until suddenly the living-room's fucking GONE. And in those times, it helps to try to remember the goodness I haven't given up on yet.

I recently saw Rufus Wainwright in concert and he said that in his down times, he's realized that he can only get through it by finding his gratitude. (He was speaking specifically about the death of his mother.) He has to find what he's grateful for to find the road back to himself. I'd written this song before I heard him say that, but I think that's what I was trying to say with this one. When life gets hard, focusing on what I believe and the goodness I am grateful for is part of what helps me feel better again.

As I said in the CD liner notes, I'm a little afraid people will misunderstand a line in the song and won't check the lyric sheet. I'm afraid they'll hear "I still believe in revival" as "I still believe in the Bible." The latter is a stupid lyric. That's why I didn't write it.

As an interesting side note, I never start work on an album until I have a "Track 1." I have to know how it all starts before I can begin working on it. When I wrote "I Still Believe," I thought I'd written my "Track 1" for the album. And yet, here it is at track 9. I almost couldn't have been more wrong.

lyrics

It comes on like a fire…

Sometimes a burst of flame,
sometimes a single ember burning.
And then it’s out of control
before I even see it coming.
And no one knows
until the whole thing’s charred and smoking
because up to then
I’ve been pouring myself out and hoping.

‘Cause I still believe. I still believe.

If I can feel pain
then I can feel something else some day.
If I can feel hope
then there’s still hope that things can change.
But until change comes
I’ll be burning out and trying my best to pray
to a voiceless God
who chose to wire me this way.

‘Cause I still believe. I still believe.

I still believe in revival.
I still believe in survival.
I still believe that denial
doesn’t get me anywhere.
So it might take me a while,
but I’ll get there.

I’ve got an asbestos suit;
I’ll be burning bright for a long time.
But hope always breaks through
like a deluge just in the nick of time.
I don’t see the need for all the smoke
but I’m doing all I can to find
a path to the river.
I am refined.

And I still believe. I still believe.

I still believe in revival. (etc.)

credits

from It Could Be Worse, released May 18, 2018

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Derek Brink St Louis, Missouri

Derek Brink is a musician from St. Louis, MO. He offers all of his music for the low cost of absolutely FREE. Just put $0.00 in the box after clicking "Buy." For those who are generous, you may pay any amount you wish with Derek's thanks--but you are not obligated to do so. Thanks, and come back for more, any time! ... more

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