Who I Am

from by Derek Brink

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about

This song came together while I was working on the album. I'd already demoed a few songs and set things to click-tracks and so on. But I had a few stray ideas sitting around both lyrically and musically that turned into this song. I'm glad it happened. It's one of my favorite lyrics and songs I've written in years.

Self-identity is something we all wrestle with. Especially when we know we have to change. Even if the change would be good, it's human nature to think, "I know the doctor said I should quit, but if I'm not a drinker, then what am I?" Even if we don't like him/her very much, there's comfort in at least recognizing the person in the mirror.

It seems like every few years, I look in a mirror and think, "Who are you this time?" (This is a metaphor. I'm not nuts.) That thought is usually followed quickly by "this again, huh?" and I spend a bit searching for myself and boiling myself down to the basics. I think that's important to do from time to time; remind oneself of your fundamentals. It's important to see if they've changed, and if so why. You've got to know yourself to keep living with yourself.

I mentioned in the CD's liner notes that the "my heart is an old drunk" line is one of my favorite things I've written. But there's a verse in the song that's very personal and reflective of my music career...

"Is anyone listening to this? Am I just giving it away for free again, or is anybody buying? Pouring my soul out again. I've got a million confessions to blurt out to a catchy tune. But it feels like I'm lying."

That's what it's like being a musician.

lyrics

Haven’t I been here before?
Isn’t this the part where I see
a light in the tunnel
and I think it’s a new start?
Why should I say it again?
It just leads to the same old paths
and pop-psychologists
telling me to follow my own heart.

But my heart is an old drunk.
Last call came and went.
I should probably be getting home,
but come on man, you know me.
My heart is a cool drug.
I’ve been coming down hard.
It’s a pretty steep cost.
I didn’t even get a taste for free.

Maybe I’m taking it for-granted
that it’s amazing I’m still standing…
But my legs are getting tired
and my back hurts.
It doesn’t feel like it’s worth it
when I feel like I’m worthless.
It all just leads to another verse.

Is anyone listening to this?
Am I just giving it away for free again?
Or is anybody buying?
Pouring my soul out again.
I’ve got a million confessions
to blurt out to a catchy tune…
But it feels like I’m lying.

My soul is an old joke.
Politely smile and laugh
and shake your head at me
and I feel like I’m killing.
My soul is a worn coat.
A patchwork rag, threadbare but familiar.
One more Winter, if the cloth is willing.

Maybe I’m taking things out of context.
I’ve been such a nervous wreck.
But being paranoid
doesn’t mean there’s no danger.
I’m not sure I’ve got it in me.
Sometimes I feel so empty.
Alone with the inner dialogue of a stranger.

Haven’t I met you before?
Could you tell me who I am today?

credits

from It Could Be Worse, released May 18, 2018

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Derek Brink St Louis, Missouri

Derek Brink is a musician from St. Louis, MO. He offers all of his music for the low cost of absolutely FREE. Just put $0.00 in the box after clicking "Buy." For those who are generous, you may pay any amount you wish with Derek's thanks--but you are not obligated to do so. Thanks, and come back for more, any time! ... more

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