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.​.​.​there but for the Grace of God

from Ink​-​Stained Fingers by Derek Brink

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TRIGGER WARNING - This song is in memory of a friend who took his own life. If you need help, GET HELP.

lyrics

I've got a friend I'll always miss
every time I find myself humming one of his songs.
Something went wrong
and he couldn't stand the thought of singing along.
Not in the background.

He took a handful of psyche-drugs and speed.
Washed it down with vodka mixed with bleach--no chaser.
But somehow still survived...
at least for a little while...
If you can call that being alive.
Long slow decline.
Long slow decline.
What a waste of a good life.

It's been a long time since I could say that I was fine
without it sounding like it's a line
or just a device for saving time.
Yeah, I'm just fine.
I'm always "fine."

Look on the bright side, I still want to fight.
I fight for sleep every single night.
I fight when I think I'm indignantly right.
But I'm starting to hate that guy.
Close my eyes...and I hear the old songs...
It's a waste of time trying to find anyone who wants to sing along.
But fighting with a ghost doesn't change anything that's wrong.
And what hurts the most is knowing he was already gone
by the time I was begging him to stay.
I could never go out that way.

And I know that the falling snow probably doesn't mean a thing.
It's just snowing.
And I hate that I've learned how to deal with this and the feelings that it brings.
That's not worth knowing.
And I wonder what his last thoughts could have been in the end.
You know, he never even apologized.
And I know that I should be mad as hell about this...but I just miss my friend.

Go outside to get some air.
The blizzard didn't care.
The whole town is covered over.

And oh...
Oh isn't that beautiful?

credits

from Ink​-​Stained Fingers, released May 20, 2014

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Derek Brink St Louis, Missouri

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