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about

This is the "Isbell" song on the album. Very rooted in his patterns. Although not as elegant. And in 6/8 time, which he doesn't use that much. And not as catchy. This isn't Isbell-ish at all, is it?

Anyway...this one's very personal in the lyrics. It's the closest I'll get to spilling my guts. I called it "Futile" because that summed up all of the feelings I was pouring into it. The song itself sounds victorious. The truth is anything but. I don't like writing about this one. So I'm going to stop.

lyrics

I’m sorry I bugged you, I just wanted in.
But you seem to think we’re teenagers again.
You’ve always been there, but I can’t pretend
that loyalty is something you can comprehend.
Everything beautiful someday must end.
Even the fantasies on which I depend.
You’ve made yourself clear and I don’t want to offend.
So I’ll see you in three years when you remember we’re friends.

I’m in Stockholm sinking lower, you’re in a bar in Illinois.
I want to be a masterpiece; I am your broken toy.
Lost and left to gather dust, my best efforts fade to noise.
Whatever is left of me is yours to destroy.

The difference between us is I don’t make you cry.
But if it benefits you, then I’m yours for the night.
Yet if anyone sees then you’ll spit in my eye.
Still, I may not kill for you, but I would surely die.
When you said, “I love you” I bought into the lie.
I said, “I love you too” and never thought to reason why.
Next time you say it, mean it. Feel it deep inside.
Next time I say it back, know that it’s going to bleed me dry.

I’m almost moving backwards, you’re posting updates from the road.
I’ve never asked for anything. You tell me what you’re owed.
Empty out my pockets. Every gift I have, bestowed.
Yet what little you pour into me is so much I might explode.

I forgive you.

When we meet again, we’ll drink to your health.
Sometimes living with forgiveness means you can’t forgive yourself.

credits

from Almost Moving Backwards, released May 29, 2021

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Derek Brink St Louis, Missouri

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