Amanda, I'm Tired

from by Derek Brink

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about

Let it be stated throughout perpetuity that sometimes a name is just a name. I used the name "Amanda" in the title/song because I like the name and for various reasons, I needed it to be a three-syllable name. It worked for Waylon. It worked for Boston. It works for me. Don't bother my friends named Amanda with this lyric. If you read it out to them, I don't think any one of them would reply, "Yep. That's definitely describing the week we broke up." The working title of the song was "God Knows," but when I'd jot it down on lists and things I kept calling it "Amanda" and I added the "I'm Tired" just so people wouldn't think it was a cover song.

Now that I've said that.

I LOVED working on this song. The lyrics mean a lot to me and I'm very proud of them. In much the same way as "Nobody Else," I think I did a good job indicating that someone ELSE might have a clearer version of the story than I do. In this one I flat-out say, "This is YOUR story, too." We all forget that someone else was involved in the narrative. That someone else felt not only the same things we did, but probably a bunch of stuff we could never hope to understand. That someone else got hurt. As much as I felt like it was important to express "my" side of that, I am proud of the searching of the other person's feelings that comes out in the second verse/chorus. This one means a lot to me.

Producing this one was fun. I love the change from the soft acoustic part to the rumbling, overwhelming electric. And I love the string parts. I don't want to toot my own horn, but this one feels a little like a movie soundtrack to me. A friend heard it and described it as "Tom Petty meets Radiohead." I don't consider either one of them a main influence on what I do. But I hear it too, now that someone's said it. Especially in the louder part.

Of all the things you have to survive in life, I think "the one who got away" probably leaves the most lasting scars. Especially when you're the one failing to patch them.

lyrics

I’ve still got the photograph
in an old, beat up frame from a drug store.
You’re wearing that yellow shirt
that you wore that whole week
and you’re smiling at me.
Just for me.

I’d like your autograph
if you ever pass this way again
looking up old friends
you never thought you’d want to see
and you think of me.
Just make it out to me.

God knows neither one of us
wanted it to fail.
Does it still feel like a nail
pushed beneath your skin
for the remission of sin you never knew?
This is your story, too.
God knows there’s been enough
time to move on.

And, Amanda, I’m tired.

I’ve still got a notebook page
from the night it all fell apart
and we both drove away.
I wrote ‘till my fingers ached
then tore the pages out.
There’s just one I saved
to torture myself another day.
And I guess it’s today.

The page is yellowed with age and pain.
I kept it right inside the frame.
I knew from that night on
I’d never be the same,
but it looks like I am.
I really haven’t changed.

God knows I’d rather let you go.
Does it stick to you, too?
Can you smell it in your clothes?
I’ve tried to wash it out
more than you know,
but the stench of it all just grows and grows.
God knows whatever I know
and God knows it’s had time to decompose.

Amanda, I’m tired.

credits

from It Could Be Worse, released May 18, 2018

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Derek Brink St Louis, Missouri

Derek Brink is a musician from St. Louis, MO. He offers all of his music for the low cost of absolutely FREE. Just put $0.00 in the box after clicking "Buy." For those who are generous, you may pay any amount you wish with Derek's thanks--but you are not obligated to do so. Thanks, and come back for more, any time! ... more

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